Day 5... Establishing boundaries

“Boundaries are the gateway to healthy relationships.”

— Nedra Glover Tawwab

We’ve chatted previously about boundaries. As part of today’s reflection, I’d like to suggest you read or re-read the post titled “boundaries” from 2020.

Wall surrounding an 800 year old cemetery with Viking graves, Unst, UK

Boundaries can be built to protect us from the threat of others whether real or imagined…

they can be used to establish order and control…

and can become so firmly entrenched we might forget why they were constructed.

St. Ninians, Shetland, UK

Yet, what if we learned to set boundaries that promoted healthy relationships rather than built out of the need to protect ourselves from unhealthy and/or toxic relationships?

Let’s apply the quote from the beginning and use a bit of deductive reasoning:

If peace is relational and boundaries are a neccessity for healthy relationships, then peace equals the need for boundaries.

Old stone walls in Shetland were built out of need… to organize sheep and keep them situated on the grazing land and away from arable land. Those stone walls were laborious to build… extracting the stone by hand from the Earth and placing each one just right so the wall would last… for 100’s of years. This was an intentional and necessary boundary.

Many of these walls are no longer needed… yet they persist, etched in the landscape.

What walls or boundaries have you built that were needed yet persisted over time?

I, myself, am working on taking down some old walls and establishing some new boundaries. And this book, has been mightily helpful.

The idea of a boundary can conjure up feelings of rigidity, inflexibility, control… all words I would not associate with peace, nor healthy relationships. When I stop to think about other barriers that are fluid, adaptable, resilient and strong…

a cell membrane comes to mind…

the phospholipid bilayer. We have 1000’s of cells in our bodies where the “wall” is created from tiny fatty acids that organize in a way that is semi-permeable… beneficial nutrients are allowed entry either passively or actively into the cell promoting health and ultimately, the survival of the person.

This clever little membrane (boundary) can also have channels… highly-regulated openings or “gates.”

When we establish healthy boundaries, we need gates… as the initial quote says, “boundaries are the gateway to healthy relationships.”

Cottage in Yell, UK

Gate and fence protected by a trowie, Walls, Shetland, UK

Peace nugget #5

Take some time today to ponder what it means to establish boundaries that are fluid and adaptable. Do you have some boundaries that need reconstructing? Do you need to insert a gate?

Other:

Some have asked where the photos from yesterday were taken. All of them are from my travels to Shetland in 2023. Based on the number of door photos I have taken, I must have a thing for doors… there are many more.

Thank you for all your responses to “doorways.” So many wonderful comments and thoughts about the doors in our lives. I spent a lot of time pondering your responses. I appreciate all of you!

Day 4... Doorways

“In the universe, there are things that are known,
and things that are unknown,
and in between,
there are DOORS”

— William Blake

Doors that are welcoming…

simple doors just off a busy street…

doors with character and options…

protected doorways…

doors so faded they almost seem forgotten…

tricky doors that go nowhere…

doors filled with mystery…

a passageway to the unknown…

“Take your time. I’ll be here when you are ready” says the door with a bench

An open door…

just for you

welcome.

Liminal (limen; latin) meaning threshold.

Doorways are thresholds from one place to another. Crossing over those thresholds… we do this everyday without much regard. Yet maybe this simple action provides an opportunity to ponder peace.

Richard Rohr wrote: “Liminal space is an inner state and sometimes an outer situation when we can begin to think and act in new ways… we usually enter liminal space when our former way of being is challenged or changed.”

The images of the doors shows us that our thresholds, or liminal space comes in many shapes and sizes.

So many possibilities…

I discovered this poem titled “The inherent uncertainty of transition” by Felicia Murrell last spring and have revisited it often as a reminder of how to embrace liminal space. To find ease on the threshold…

“In the radiance of dark, there is a process:
the unfolding of mystery,
things words cannot articulate,
a threshold to freedom the mind cannot comprehend.
But the body feels,
the heart knows:
this is liminality.
The threshold of transition,
from death to life, from evening to morn,
from gestation to giving birth
the unknown is a part of it all.”

— Felicia Murrell

When I went searching through my photos for that one picture I remembered taking of a red door, I was delighted to find so many photos of doors, particularly red ones.

For years, I’ve felt I was “stuck” on a metaphorical threshold… waiting, inpatiently at best, desperate at my worst, for the next “move” to come along. When I learned about liminal space, my attitude began to shift into a place of acceptance with the unknowing.

These images of doorways are a reminder to me that the pathway of peace is a process… it’s not a destination. One door opens, a threshold crossed, moves me into a space to encounter new doors.

Doorways of peace…

Peace nugget #4

Which doorway of peace speaks to you and why?

Other

Several people have asked if there is a way to post photos in the comments. I will check into this yet my initial response is “I don’t think so.” I am contemplating moving to a different platform in the new year that allows for more interaction between all of you. More details on this later.

Day 3... Colo(u)r of peace

When you think of peace… what color comes to mind?

What color is joy?

respect?

dignity?

trust?

reciprocity?

community?

contentedness?

grounded?

conviviality?

I love color… the colors of the natural world. The color of place. And when I think about the places that are dear to me… it’s in color.

“Color is the first principle of place” ~Nan Shepherd

Whether it be the purple of springtime…

the blue-greens of a beach far, far, away from “here”…

a pop of red and flash in the last hurrah of the fall…

or the crispness of winter set against a brilliant sky.

all colors of peace…

A wall of wool at Brooklyn General Store. Jamiesons Spindrift (Shetland yarn)

One of my top reasons I knit is for the color…I choose yarn that represents the landscape…

Knitting is a story… not one word at a time but a stitch at a time. A story about place, or love, or compassion.

Peace nugget #3

Today is art day! I have long had the desire to paint. It’s one of those persistent dreams… learn to paint. I’ve taken workshops and set “goals” only to have all of it fizzle away. It’s not that I don’t like it it’s just that I have other activities that always come first… knitting, reading, writing…

Years ago, I went on a long bike ride. Before cell phones (maybe even before the internet)… by myself for 2 weeks along the Washington and Oregon coast camping all the way. I wanted a way to creatively express the beauty that was everywhere. In my paniers, I’d packed a few I colored pencils and I began making color swatches…

the bursting purple of the blackberries alongside the road… a scribble of purple

the depths of richness of the Pacific Ocean… a scribble of blue-green

In the photo above, I made a “mood” panel. I swatched five colors of how I felt that day and made little notes.

Let’s make a peace panel…

five colors that represent peace …

the possibilities are limitless.

You don’t need many supplies… crayons, colored pencils, watercolor pencils (my favorite), paper, etc.

And if you don’t have those supplies, get creative. Maybe you want to make some peace panels with fabric scraps, or yarn left-overs…

Leave a comment… what color is peace to you and why?

Other…

Thank you for all your comments about the birds. Truly inspiring. I love reading how birds have made an impact on your lives.

If you want to read more on color and knitting, check out the work of Kate Davies and Felicity Ford (scroll down to read her blog posts about a color project throughout Advent).

My friend Dotty from The Net Loft offers lots of online watercolor workshops at no cost.

Day 2... for the Birds

I never gave much thought to birds as there weren’t that many where I grew up in Colorado. I can recall hawks and magpies… the first I really like, the others I do not.

Then, in Montana, there were a few more types of birds including hawks and magpies. Canada geese flew through in the fall. Plus some other brown birds… There were too many magpies. Did I mention, I do not care for those birds.

And then, I moved to Iowa… bald eagles, lots of hawks, owls, warblers, cardinals, starlings, house finches, trumpter swans and loads of Canada geese in the winter, some migrating pelicans, multiple types of woodpeckers, orioles in June… the list goes.

There are no magpies.

But there are redwing blackbirds, cowbirds, and bluejays.

I do not care for these birds. They dive bomb me on my walks (redwing blackbirds), poach the nests of other birds (cowbirds), and frighten the other birds away from the feeder (bluejays). How dare they?

So, what do these all these birds have to do with peace?

First, it’s easy to see the beauty… from the goldfinches, warblers, cardinals, woodpeckers, hawks, owls, and bald eagles. All exquisite.

Choosing peace is easy when it’s pretty…

The birds have also shown me that peace cannot be defined by beauty alone… Why don’t I like those other birds? They certainly bother me by interrupting my peaceful “walk through nature,” and they are mean to other birds. What’s there to like? Why are those birds the way they are? There are many explanations for their behavior as a result of their own environment.

Peace needs to be considered from multiple perspectives

Let’s dig a little deeper using this analogy of birds and peace… why were there no birds in my hometown of Colorado or Montana? I honestly never noticed the lack of birds in those places until I moved to Iowa where they are abundant.

Perhaps there are no birds in the mountains of the western US

or maybe, I was not paying attention.

I was focused on my own life. I was oblivious to anything outside of “my” world.

Peace needs us to be aware of our surroundings…

of the easy and the challenging

and to notsimply turn away from what we “do not like.”

My thoughts on birds as metaphors of peace are extensive. More than what we can address here today. Before I go, I want to share one other lesson learned from the birds. This one is from a recent trip to Shetland (July 2023).

I have long wanted to see the puffins… those cute little birds who spend approximately 8 months of the year at sea and then make their way to land in the summer to mate, watch over the eggs, and then a short stint with puffling rearing before all leave and head back to sea. They are the cutest!

Puffin at Sumbrugh Head, Shetland, UK

I’d been so captivated by images of puffins prior to my trip, I even planned out the colors for a sweater (aka jumper) inspired by the puffins.

I loved knitting this yoke as each combination of colors represented the puffins… the white, black, and orange of their bodies, the orange and pink duo reminded me of their feet standing in the blooming sea pinks, the green and the black reflective of their deep dives into the water for the “silvers” (small fish). That month in Shetland, I knit this yoke, each stitch symbolizing the interaction of the puffins with their environment.

While it was amazing to finally see them… it was a different bird that seemed to really speak to me. Also a black and white bird with orange accents called the oystercatcher. The puffin jumper became a story about the puffins and the oystercatchers.

Photo of artwork by Linda Richardson

And then I began seeing other birds… curlews, arctic terns, razorbacks, comorants, great skuas, wrens, fulmars… a whole new world of birds, one that I never could have imagined. The birds taught me the need to stay open to possibilities and that life isn’t about a grand plan…

I went to see the puffins yet learned to widen my gaze… to the land, sea, and sky.

The potential for peace is everywhere…

it’s not defined by beauty,

it’s easy and challenging,

exists in the calm as well as the storm,

and needs us to be open to possibility and alternative perspectives.

Peace nugget #2

Take some time today to watch some birds… up in the sky, in the trees, at a bird feeder, along a river, at the lake, or seaside. Allow yourself some slow time to watch.

Prompt: How might birds be teaching you something about peace?

Other:

Thank you so much for all your amazing comments yesterday. I read every single one of them … all 96 of them so far! This platform makes it challenging for me to comment yet please know that I am reading and smiling. This is a space of hope. Thank you.

Leave a comment every day and I’ll send you a little something at the end of our 21 day adventure.

Pattern: Roost pullover by Savory Knitting

Yarn: Jamieson’s and Smith 2-ply jumper weight